Borrowing from the good

Confucius said: when you see someone worthy, think of matching them. When you see someone unworthy, look inward.

The first half gets quoted constantly and the second half gets dropped, which is a shame, because the second half is where the work is.

Comparison is the emotion that gets blamed for most modern unhappiness, and rightly, in the form it usually takes. Scrolling through someone's best month and marking your own ordinary Tuesday against it is a machine for producing shame.

But the alternative people are sold, "don't compare yourself to anyone", is impossible and also a bit dishonest. Humans are comparison machines. The faculty doesn't switch off. What you can do is change what it's aimed at.

The first half of Confucius's sentence is a use for it: treat a better person as a map, not a verdict. What did they do differently on a Wednesday. What did they say no to. What did they practise for four years before anybody noticed.

The second half is the sting: when you see something in another person that disgusts you, that's data about you, not about them. It's usually a thing you've forbidden in yourself.

Both halves turn comparison outward, into work.

MOJOWAY's report is written to be read twice, and the second reading is where a coach or a client sees themselves in the pattern.